PeanutButter

{LOVE}

2010-06-06T18:32:00.003+09:30

I guess, this is a topic to be discussed and debated with, regardless of your race, religion, sex, age, or generation, as long as you still believe in LOVE. I'm sure, there has been LOVE, since the first day man existed on the face of this planet. I mean, of course, when there is more than one man, only there is "the LOVE" that I am going to talk about. LOVE for mother nature is not within this topic's scope =)

Recently, I started to watch a Japanese drama. I have no idea how I got to the drama in the first place, but anyway, it's got 黑木瞳 in it, and I LOVE her ^^ The drama is called 同窗会. It is about having an affair with your classmate over 30 years ago. Well, I'm not going to talk about the drama itself. You can watch it if your mind is open enough. It is about "having affair" after all, and it is still considered to be morally wrong in our current society.

Ok, now, straight to the point. It made me wonder: many of us judge others when it comes to LOVE, and try to decide, which is the true LOVE. For example, parents will tell their young children not to get involved in any relationships during their high school, because that is not true LOVE they are experiencing. And friends will tell their friends, that if they guys/girls do so and so, that is not LOVE they are having. But I come to wonder, is it not possible to have LOVE　in high school? Is there a formula to tell a true LOVE from a fake one?

Let's have another example. Boy and girl falls in LOVE. But actually, boy is a playboy and walks away soon enough. Girl's heart breaks, and doubts if there has even been LOVE in between them. I would tell her, that there has been LOVE for her, but not the boy. My point is, whether LOVE exists or not does not depend on the outcome of a relationship. When others don't treasure your LOVE， it does not mean that you did not have LOVE. Do not doubt your own feelings, and do not let others influence your perception about LOVE. Even if your relationship fails over and over again, you should keep the pureness of LOVE within yourself, and not judge the future with the past.

A few of my friends, male friends in fact, are so seriously hurt by girls in the name of LOVE. One has totally changed his perception for LOVE, and started to figure out a formula for LOVE. And with this formula that he carries around in his head everywhere, he judges girls with that formula, even before they meet and speak to each other. And another my male friends, he just couldn't decide, whether the LOVE he had was real or not. If it is real, then why is he not together with the girl right now, as like the saying that says, true LOVE lasts and the couple lives happily ever after? If it is not, then what is the real LOVE, and what was it that he felt when he was together with the girl? He just could not get over it.

Some time ago, I was looking for a card for my friend. I came across a card with the best saying about LOVE. Basically, it says that, LOVE is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the harder you will get it; but when you are calm and still, it will come to rest on your shoulders. In my opinion, LOVE is everywhere, all around us. You do not need to catch nor pursue it, you just need to feel it with your heart. And when you feel the it is LOVE, don't let others say the otherwise. What happened to others does not apply to you, and remember the fact that while others might lie to you, your heart can never lie.

Sometimes, LOVE can be a bit blurry, and others might not treasure your LOVE as much as you treasure theirs. Nonetheless, if you choose to believe in LOVE in the first place, believe in it till the end. When you are calm and patient enough to see through your heart, LOVE will come to you eventually...

Law Abiding Citizen

2010-03-28T19:34:00.004+10:30

I have to say, this is 100% the kind of movie that I love. I love it so much, that after so much time of inactive, I come to decide to post something on my blog again, hehe. If you haven't seen it yet, then go watch it, no matter how you get your sources from. It is also highly recommended for those who like V for Vendetta.

If you haven't watched it but still decided to read on, then spare me from the blame of spoiling the movie. So, why do I love it so much? Simple, because it describes and portraits my opinions and thoughts all these while. Ever since my SPM results(Malaysian high school exams) came out and I was not accepted into any local unis, my head has been embedded with this thought, of setting the justice right, one way or the other, and it doesn't matter if blood has to be shed.

What has the society today become? Just like Nick Rice said in the movie, while you are trying to change the system, you do not realize that the system has been changing you all the while. A little inch here and there ends up changing you to an entirely different person in the end. But do we realize that we are being changed? Or do we still think that we are trying to change the system and the world? If Clyde Shelton never shows up in reality, will Nick Rice in reality ever going to realize it, that he's been changed? Are we going to slumber along unless we get a slap right on our face?

Look at the bitchy mayor! What did she do, besides blaming others and firing them of their jobs at will if they don't get the jobs done? And the judge too. She deserves it well alright. "We feel for you..."That's what we normally hear in times of great sadness. But do you really feel what I feel? I was so hoping for Nick's family to be killed too. He was lucky that Clyde spared them their lives.

I am the only child in my family. And if I were not the only child to bear responsibilities to my parents, I would have tried something similiar to what Clyde did. The system is not working anymore. Before you will appreciate anything, you will have to lose it first. And I will be the one to take up the duty, to let the government appreciate its citizens. Because without the citizens, there will never be a government, nor a country. What I have lost, I would rather make them suffer the same lose, than let them make it up to me. Some things are just not the same anymore, no matter what you do. Just as Clyde's wife and daughter, they can never feel anymore...

Shinjuku Incident

2009-11-11T04:24:00.002+10:30

i used to like watching movies. i really liked watching movies. i liked watching movies, because i get strength and enlightenment from them. it's just like a report or a book, there is always a theme or objective that the story line hangs on to. if you pay enough attention to the movie, it's easy to get the theme.

people used to say that all movies have happy endings and they are not realistic. hence, the criticisms. now, people are making it more and more realistic, until to a point that, sometimes, i feel like it is showing a part of my own life. the stupidity of some people, the naked truth behind the iron masks, the fact that bad guys live longer than good guys in a more luxurious way, they all form the elements of recent movies.

just like Shinjuku Incident, it is a pathetic movie. i don't need another damn movie to tell me how life sucks. i don't need another movie to tell me that the world is as cruel as it can be. i don't need another God damn movie to tell me that dying is easier than living, while i am still struggling to live each day through my life!

i got really emotional after the movie. killing your friend whom you call brother by slitting his throat??!! that's so sick. when is it allowed to have such screens on TV or cinemas? why is the movie not showing stuffs that promotes unity instead? yes, you can call that life, one that is really down to earth, but i have already got enough of that shit stuffs in my life!

oh, is this world leading to damnation? does people still believe in God as the master of their lives, or just as someone who created the universe like us playing Lego toys? i know i'm getting far away from the church, and astray from the righteous path. but i still believe that good deeds lead to salvation at the end of the world. in Disney terms, i still believe that the prince and the princess lived happily ever after. the end. what's wrong with that? ain't that is what we are supposed to believe in?

sigh. maybe i need to listen to more sermons from church services. these movies are making me aggressive.

PS: there are good morals presented in this film, but the bad ones just leave a far more deeper impression in my mind. just like Batman, the Dark Knight. nearly everyone preferred Joker over Batman. this is not the way they are supposed to be...in my opinion...

confused...again...

2009-07-09T02:35:00.003+09:30

life is all about choosing, about making a choice, about preferring one from all the others that are available...but which one should we choose?

of all those people who come across our lives, who shall we keep to stay around us and who shall we just let to pass by? we don't get to choose our families, but we can choose our own circle of friends, and eventually, our life-long partner.

ever since i left my country, i have been dealing with this dilemma - who shall i befriend. i no longer get to hang around those people who are as "disgusting" as i am...while i was used to have the choice to choose my friends, now, i'm more likely to be the one who's being chosen from. with the dignity of an honorable knight, i bow down to no man nor woman who are less superior than i am. however, as poor as the church mice at the same time, i can no longer hold my head and nose up to stand up to whoever that steps on my tail. what i'm saying here is, my financial status has forbid me to choose my friends as freely as before. i begin to realize that, you "got" to hang around those people with the same status. friends are no longer those people who you can share your secrets with. friends are no longer the people who you trust on at hardest times. friends are no longer the people who are there to share both your sorrows and laughters. friends are just the people that you usually go out with...where is the intimacy and trust that i felt before for my past-friends?

i feel bad for the death of Michael Jackson. this incident led me to a thought. if i were the one to die, who will weep and cry on my funeral besides my family members? i don't mean that i want a very grand funeral and notify every one of my death. but, i just want to feel missed by the persons that i loved and cared so much before...

maybe being alone here on the "island" with the largest rock in the world, has made me realize that...it is time to mate...

i mean, it is time for me to start off my own career, get established, and get into the circle of life that i want to belong to. i will now make a list of the friends that would mourn for my death instead of just feel like losing another friend to hang out with...and i hope all of you will find your true friends...

Rebel Biker: Poem from Outlaw Bikers Forever

2009-06-28T19:31:00.000+09:30

Rebel Biker: Poem from Outlaw Bikers Forever

回到过去

2009-06-25T02:22:00.002+09:30

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯
时间在旁闷不吭声
寂寞下手毫无分寸
不懂得轻重之分
沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看着凌晨黄昏
你的身影
失去平衡慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋
该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端
无法存活在真实的空间
想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去
试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去
思绪不断阻挡着回忆播放
盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁
想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去
试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去
沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看着凌晨黄昏
失去平衡慢慢下沉
你的身影
又回到过去

an old song from Jay Chow. love it...

maybe because that the future is always unpredictable, we have a perception that the past has always been better. isn't that true? when we are faced with difficulties and trials, we always turn our head to look back into our past, and admire the times when we don't have to go through the problems at hand. the more we do this, the less courage we have to probe into the unknown future.

starting from now on, i will still turn around and have a look at the memorable times every now and then, but i will look at it with great anticipation that i will create something better along the path ahead... the past will be the base of what i will create tomorrow, and it will provide me courage to enter into the later stages of my life. i will make everything that i experienced worthful by going through better experiences. if tomorrow is not better, then i will make it better myself!

Policemen are cool...

2009-05-12T23:48:00.005+09:30

i can't recall exactly the time, but there had been an incident in UK, where a policemen pushed an old man down, and rumors said that the old man actually died from a heart attack. then, there is another footage which shows a female protester who got hit in the thigh because she was only protesting.

later, people made a huge deal out of these cases. i thought, and i still think, is that necessary? first of all, i don't think the old man died from the fall over. God knows how he died, but i'm pretty sure that rumors had it all gotten wrong. there were people protesting in your area, around you physically, were you still going out for a stroll? or just to see if someone else would get hurt, instead of you? it's like you're actually going to the seaside to witness a tsunami coming towards you! did you think that you had lived long enough? if yes, then you can just bury yourself up. saves us the trouble and it's good for environment. if not, then what the hell are you doing in the middle of a chaotic situation?

and for the female protester, she even sold her story to the newspaper agency for quite a sum of money. after that, she even got interviewed for that. for goodness sake, she is a PROTESTER! do you know that sometimes, protesters can get as dangerous as terrorists? do you need to wait for them to hurt you first, only then you are allowed to defend yourself? so if you can't see if she is armed or not, you still have to go through the procedure to check her whole body first, in the middle of a protest? did you guys see how aggressive she looked in the footage?

i don't understand the world nowadays anymore. those policemen are trying their best to withhold a protesting crowd. anyone of them might get hurt by the protesters. a policeman got hurt during his duty VS a protester got hurt in her protest. who do you think deserves to be hurt more? pleas stop thinking if you are the protester that got hit. someone please think in the position of the policeman. in the protest, you were outnumbered, and surrounded by furiously excited protesters. are you going to ask them to settle down, with PLEASE?

and let's say, if the policeman does got hurt by the female protester, is he going to show the world the footage that he was allegedly assaulted by a anonymous female protester which is recorded by his colleague who just happen to record the event during their duties? he might got disabled, or even killed, leaving his old parents, wife, kids on their own since then. is the world going to be as pitiful on the victims as compared to the assaulted female protester? is the news agency going to buy his story of bravery and is his family members going to get interviewed on tv? probably, but definitely not as probable as the female protester who got all the fame and cash.

honestly, think it through. the policeman ended up getting sacked. do you still want to be a policeman after you read this news? a research also shows that on average in Australia, there are more policemen getting assaulted on TGI Friday nights compared to earlier times. with their salary, do you think you are going to become a policeman with all the risks? even if you are given the best insurance policy included in your work, many of us still wounldn't choose to become a policeman. we have our reasons to do so, that's not difficult to understand at all. but have you actually thought of those who undertook all the risks to protect the neighborhood from protesters and criminals and etc who would endanger our normal, daily lives?

CHERISH! before your adrenaline rushes up to your head again, take a deep breath and think carefully, who are the trouble makers? who are protecting you? who are doing the jobs that you don't like to do? i don't want to end up carrying a gun with me to protect myself here in Australia, because all the policemen resigned their jobs as their jobs are just too tough to handle. i hope the day that you wish the policeman will be back on the streets, holding off the angry mob won't come...

when love doesn't turn out to be love eventually...

2009-03-02T19:06:00.002+10:30

“我喜欢你，所以我是累了一点，可那对我绝不是伤害……”

“如果你真的爱过他的话，就感谢能给你这种感觉的他；那样的话，就不会像现在这样伤心难过了……”

~~unknown Korean drama~~

a puppet or a puppeteer

2009-03-01T21:06:00.002+10:30

have you ever wondered if you are a puppet or a puppeteer in this world? i can still recall that one of my friends told me that, in this world, if you can't influence others, then you will be influenced by others. in other words, either you are a puppet or you are a puppeteer.

is it possible then for us to be just ourselves? yes, i know that there are other people's lives which will be affected by our decisions, but then, if we take into all the considerations, is there still a part of our decisions that are made for us, ourselves?

sigh, life is just so difficult with decisions that have to be made every day. and what makes it worse is that our decisions will affect those that are close to us. i'm sure we can never satisfy both sides. one side has to give in to the other side. but, which side should give in first? how many times do we have to give in before the other side gives in? if you have the answers to these questions, i'm sure you have been living a peaceful life. cheers to you~~~

Rebound

2009-01-15T21:21:00.001+10:30

"...Courage is just well-concealed fear..."

有舍才有得; in order to receive, you must give

2009-01-07T02:51:00.002+10:30

from "The Cutting Edge: Going for the Gold":

'To win, you have to be willing to fail.'

from me:

'To love, you have to be willing to be heart-broken.'

but...

how many failures do we need to go through before we shall savour a tiny victory?

how many times do we need to be heart-broken before we finally meet the love of our life time?

no one knows the answer except God.

God, please work your miracle ways on me, for your child has strayed afar. Amen.

你珍惜了吗？

2008-12-29T12:57:00.002+10:30

“曾经有一份真诚的爱摆在我面前，但是我没有珍惜；
到失去的时候才后悔莫及，尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此；
如果上天可以给我个机会再来一次的话，
我会对这个女孩说我爱你；
如果非要在这份爱加上一个期限，我希望是...一万年..."

Right VS Wrong

2008-12-28T12:32:00.005+10:30

for nearly 25 years, i've been learning to differentiate the right things from the wrong things.

and for nearly 25 years, i thought that i've been learning more and more, and i thought i've done more right things than the wrong things.

for nearly 25 years, i thought i've gotten more mature by the years, learning from the mistakes and wrong decisions that i made...

but i guess i was wrong. the world is just too big for my tiny, short, little quarter life span would teach me on how to become a decent man...

if it shall be a happy ending, then thank God, i'm still on the right track.

but if it shall be a tragic ending, then... let it be another lesson to be learnt, and may 2009 lay down joy ahead of me...

*i'm in desperate need of your wisdom, Lord. if i would to get some help, now would be the perfect time to lend me a hand here...thank you*

Definition of Beauty

2008-11-12T03:08:00.003+10:30

"Carlotti defined beauty. He said it was the summation of the parts working together in such a way, that nothing needed to be added, taken away or altered. "

<<Next>>

Big Boys' Toys

2008-10-21T00:19:00.008+10:30

ever heard of "Big Boys' Toys"? i guess it must have been a lady who invented this terminology, due to jealousy, haha. well, i think ladies have their "old ladies' toys" too, haha. use your imagination as wildly as possible, though i don't have an exact definition here, but i'm trying to lead you to somewhere...

ok, seriously, i think that this proves that there is some truth when people say that there is a child in every man's heart. come to think of it, hell yeah, it's damn true. i'm sure that all of us have certain dreams at certain stages of our lives. the dreams change as we turn older, but the fact that we will always have a dream will not change. for an example, i have always wanted to visit Japan since i was a kid. by then, i wanted to go to Japan to just grab myself a set of Nitendo. yeah, what is that compared to Play Station and Wii, but those were the days. however, my dream has changed. in my case, i still want to go to Japan, not for the electronic stuffs anymore, but for Ryoko Hirosue...

ahem. what i'm trying to say here is that, for a normal person with a healthy set of mind (effects from studying Law subjects, as nowadays, quite a lot of people think "differently" as normal people do), there will always be a dream or an aim at any stages of their lives. that is what keeps them going, like fuel for car, water for camel, money for ATM... (i hope that by bringing up money, i help you realize the importance of dreams to us as human beings.) without dream, i think you won't even bother if tomorrow is coming.

you can cut the crap with responsibilities. at the end of the day, after you are done with all the so-called responsibilities, you still have to deal with yourself, thinking of what lays ahead of you. that is the time when your dreams come creeping back to you. but most of the times, even if you still want to achieve your dream, maybe your age, or your physical limit, or you responsibilities (again) will not allow you to do so anymore. on the other hand, if you are lucky enough, you would still be able to achieve your dream. but by that time, if that is a something that you have dreamt of, then it would probably has become, as what is mentioned at the beginning of this article, Big Boys' Toys.

thus, there is no shame in having Big Boys' Toys. men have given up their own precious dreams during their youth, at the peak of their manhood, for the sake of r-e-s-p-o-n-s-i-b-i-l-i-t-i-e-s. so, what is wrong with having Big Boys' Toys when they get older, having done with their responsibilities and giving themselves a break? it is just like having a glass of Teh-Ice after a long, hard day of work, or finding a last piece of tissue in your pocket after you realize there are no toilet rolls in the toilet you're shitting in...

as a conclusion, i don't want to wait until i grow old, till i can't even bend my back anymore to own a Big Boys' Toy...

please, mum, when am i getting one of these? i can't face tomorrow anymore without it... i feel like a mosquito (female) without blood to suck all this while. my soul has turned empty and bikini chicks don't give me the sensational feeling anymore... now you realize how much damage it has done to me. please call XX 3396 8515 if there is still any sympathy left in you. it is available 24/7. thank you.

OUTPUT never equals INPUT

2008-09-12T18:43:00.007+09:30

in my previous post, i complained that what you get is not what you worked for...i think it is very true. today, i reviewed this again from a Mathematical point of view, or rather, from an Engineer's point of view, since i did graduated as an Engineer, no point wasting my engineering's knowledge... ... ... ... okok, just let me brag about something, alright? next week is exam week, i'm feeling quite tensed here =.=

from an Engineer's point of view, in a practical case, the output will never equal to the input, simply because there is nothing in this world that works with a 100% efficiency. hence, that's it, hehe.

actually, that is just the entree for this post. today, from an incident, i discovered a reason behind the imperfect equation of input=output, that is, what you give is not the exact amount of what the other end receives. thus, no matter how much you give, you cannot demand for same amount or similar amount in return. a very typical example would be a family who runs a family business. most of the times, the parents would not have much time to spend on their children. they provide every material thing that they can afford: the best schools, the best tuition, the best cars, the latest trendy handphones, and etc. but, in the end, can they expect the children to be very obedient? obviously not.

i'm pretty sure that most of this type of parents don't get that, what they give might not be what their children want, and what they give might be not what their children need also. now, from the Contract Law's point of view, a contract exists only when one party does or provides something favorable to another party and the other party pays or do something in return. if what the parents give to their children is not what they want, then how could they expect anything in return? even the Barter System doesn't work like that, right?

sigh, i just want to stress that, apart from providing so many things which you think someone else would like, it is far more better to be at place when you are needed. what is the use for you to be able to give the whole world to me, when you can't be by my side when i needed you most? yes, all the things would make me lead a better and more comfortable life, but i can do without that, and i won't feel "terribly" unhappy without it either. on the other hand, when i need someone to be by my side, to give me support, and all that i have is myself only, what you did, everything that you did before would then mean a lot less, maybe they would even mean nothing anymore... ...

do you believe if i say that i'm practising my writing skills for my law exam next week? i have to write on average 10 full pages in about 3 hours' time. sigh, this is a bad time for exam. no mood to study at all, and it's open book test... ... studying is tough... ...

confused...

2008-09-08T03:20:00.005+09:30

i think, i've never been more confused in my life before...

it used to be that, what you get is what you worked for. but now, is this still true? is it still true that you can get what you worked for? i'm tired...very tired. i don't know how to fit into this society anymore. it's not easy to be someone unique, someone different, as we all know, but contrary, it's not easy to be someone normal too.

since a few years ago, i've given up all my big dreams, just trying to be normal, trying to lead a nobody's life. well, normal as in, study, graduate, find job, get gf, marry, have kids, then grow old and die. i don't ask for big house, big car, big bike, big boobs..., or any luxurious things. just get it over with, get it done, get me to the end of my life... don't torture me anymore.

"with great responsibilities comes great sacrifices..." no, i don't want great sacrifices, and i don't want great responsibilites either, just...argh, fastforward... don't test my patience anymore... am i just whinning? does everyone has to go through something similar as me? is this the only way to live a life?

people tend to advice, don't try to compare all the time. am i comparing? gosh, i don't know. i'm so confused...

enough whinning... tomorrow is on its way, without any delay. better give myself a few slaps on the face and move on... and guess what, i just realized, you don't need to have great responsibilites to have great sacrifices. i think it should be "with a kind heart comes great sacrifices". nowadays, only those who try to be on the good side will have to do great sacrifices. agree?

time for a laugh...

2008-08-27T23:55:00.003+09:30

"putting a condom on is like wearing a raincoat in a shower...what's the point???"

~~~THIS IS NOT AN ADVICE! TRY IT AT YOUR OWN RISK!~~~

不爽，not comfortable...

2008-08-20T01:50:00.009+09:30

今天心情很不好。其实，最近，心情都不怎么好。对很多事情不满，却又无能为力。那种心有余而力不足的感觉真恶心，弄得我晚上迟迟都没有睡意。偏偏在这个时候，又让我接触到这首歌 => 江美琪之“亲爱的你怎么不在我身边”。底下的不是歌词，只是我在网上下的那首歌背后有个女孩在读的一些东西，给我造成了很大的打击......

听着小美轻落的嗓音，唱着这首“亲爱的你怎么不在我身边”，心里觉得空空的...

亲爱的，你怎么不在我身边；

亲爱的，我们就这样分开了，永远分开了？

亲爱的，你确实不在我身边了；

亲爱的，你身边已经多了一个她代替我来照顾你；

亲爱的，原谅我以前的任性；

亲爱的，我们曾经真的爱过；

亲爱的，不要怀疑我对你的爱，虽然有些残缺不全；

亲爱的，你再也不会陪我整天聊天、嘘寒问暖了；

亲爱的，我再也不会叫你笑通宵、多吃东西、自己照顾自己了；

亲爱的，很怀念和你在一起的那段开心的日子啊；

亲爱的，你对我真的没有话说了？我们之间真的就用沉默来取代了？

亲爱的，你不爱我了，我后悔以前没有好好的待你；

亲爱的，虽说要忘记你，可是假如真的爱过，忘记很难做到；

亲爱的，你还记得吗，记得你曾经说过的话吗？永远都不会和我说分手；

亲爱的，我再也不能对你撒娇、要你做这做那了；

亲爱的，你离开我了，这个事实，我说过要忘记的，我不想再去回忆；因为你回忆一次，心就会痛一次；我原本破碎不堪的心，已经难以愈合了；

亲爱的，如果有来生，上天再给我一次机会，我一定会好好的爱你、紧紧的抱住你不放，不要你离开我；

亲爱的，如果可以，我们不要再计较以前谁对谁错，只要记住曾经真心爱过对方就好，而我能做的到吗？

亲爱的，直到你和她在一起后，我说随便，我不在乎；其实，这全都是假的，我能不在乎吗？我真的很在乎，因为你说过爱我，不会再爱别人；

亲爱的，我对你失望，虽然说你也有权利选择爱你的人和你爱的人，但是我不喜欢被骗；如果你爱别人，请告诉我，不要说你不会再爱了，因为假话让我伤心；

亲爱的，对不起，我没有办法原谅你；如果可以，真的不愿意再想起你；可是偏偏、偏偏脑子里全是你，想着以前，想着你说的话，想着你现在身边有了她；

亲爱的，我选择逃避这些事实，我承任自己懦弱、害怕接受事实；

亲爱的，你让我感受被爱，同样也感受心碎；

亲爱的，要我忘了你，做不到；也许，只有时间能够帮助我；可是亲爱的，过去这么久了，我依然没有办法忘记你；

亲爱的，我想好多、好多，其实我们在一起真的是错误的；我们不在一个地方，如果说要好好去爱你，也很难做到，我们之间有距离；

亲爱的，一个转身的距离让你爱上了别人，这只能怪我不好；如果我对你好，你的爱还会转移吗？

亲爱的，希望你好好爱一次，不会再受伤；

亲爱的，我不想让自己难过下去，把你拖进黑名单；但是看到以前的聊天记录，有甜甜的回忆在里面，有争吵、有幸福、有离合，一切的一切；

亲爱的，还是会习惯去查找你的QQ；明明自己不想看到的，偏偏每每都想去看看；

亲爱的，我的心一次次的破碎，我找不到坚强的理由；

亲爱的，请不要对我这么的残忍，我的心已经承受不了，再也承受不了一次又一次的打击；

亲爱的，这是我最后一个为你发的帖子；以前记得我在你帖子里面回了一段很长的话；

亲爱的，第一次我发了这么多、这么长的帖子；不知道为什么，一想到你，就有无数的话想对你说；但，最后还是选择发帖；因为除了这样，我不知道怎样发泄自己心里的情绪；

亲爱的，最后一次为你难过、最后一次为你哭、最后一次为你心碎；

亲爱的，记住我说的，如果有来生，我一定会好好爱你；希望我们一转身，就可以看到对方，而不是朝相反的方向离去；

亲爱的，最后一次对你说，我爱你... ...

唉...
虽然没有经历过一模一样的，可是，就会给人家那种感触、那种和她一样的感触...
真的是<<同是天涯沦落人，相逢何必曾相识>>啊...
命苦的人世界上到处都有，我不是一个人在命苦... ...

秘密花園（ヒミツの花園）

2008-08-01T00:15:00.002+09:30

recently, i watched a Japanese Drama called 秘密花園（ヒミツの花園）. it's hard to translate, cause it might mean "Secret Flower Garden" or "Secret's Flower Garden". anyway, it's not bad. but since i like Japanese Drama a lot, so, i will rephrase and say that it's very good, haha. i would not say much about the plot, as it's not a movie. it will take too much of my time...

what i want to share is the theme song, Baby Don't Cry by Amuro Namie. nice song...

Baby Don't Cry

Can you remember that?
I remember...

I saw you as I was waiting at the crossing
I remember your blue T-Shirt (I remember that)
Your smile hasn’t changed, it’s been
Exactly 3 years (Time goes by)
As I was about to call out, someone I didn’t know appeared by your side
I looked away, but the sky reflected in my eyes was the same as always

Surely people hide their memories as the seasons go by
Little by little, like this
Until one day when I gather up the tears I’ve cried
And they sparkle in the sun

Yeah, so baby, don’t be sad
Sometimes no matter how much we think about it, we won’t understand
It may be cruel, but the road that stretches ahead of us
Holds our wishes
Even on rainy mornings (Baby don't cry)
Even when love is about to fade (Baby don't cry)
I won’t leave you on your own (Baby don't cry)
Baby don't cry
Always stay by your side

On sleepless nights I keep tossing and turning
And my heart grows forlorn
Heaving a deep sigh (Yeah I know)
Unable to get rid of the anxiety that’s piled up again
Grabbing someone’s hand
Trying to make a connection to the tomorrow I can’t see

But we’re sure to always have the strength
To face the darkness
It’s given to us, we don’t choose
Take a step with your feet

There are days (When I lose myself)
When the person in the mirror seems like a different person
(When I need someone's help)
But don’t give up, let me see your smile
Hey, how about seizing the way that’ll turn out right?
Someday a day will come when you can talk with a smile
(Don't cry, cry...)

So come on, baby, hold out your hands
Believe in the light that shines through the clouds
It’ll take away all your worries
It’s all OK now
Even on distant mornings (Baby don't cry)
Even when you lose your love (Baby don't cry)
I won’t leave you on your own (Baby don't cry)
Baby don't cry
Always stay by your side

Baby, don't cry anymore (Baby don't cry yeah)
It's gon' be alright (It's gon' be alright)
Baby, don't cry anymore (Baby, don't cry anymore)
You'll see the sunshine (See the shushine)
Baby, how much longer? (Baby don't baby don't cry)
You've been tryin' alone
(You've been tryin' alone)
Baby, don't cry anymore (Baby, don't cry anymore)
You'll see the sunshine (You'll see the sunshine)

bikes/cars - the essence of a man's life...

2008-07-24T04:17:00.004+09:30

19th July 2008 is a day as important as my birthday. it is now 4.26am on 24th July 2008. the reason i'm still awake, sitting in front of my laptop is that i accidentally brought back my memories from 19th July 2008. before i say anything further, have a look at this - http://www.mrasa.asn.au/html/events/jayden.shtml

it was the first day that i beheld the magnificence of a bike. when i was in M'sia, a Yamaha 125cc can easily be the king of the road. but on this particular day, i began to realize that i've yet to see the world. maybe i should put it this way - i've known how big the world is, but i haven't feel how big the world really is. everyone knows that the earth is really big, really huge. but when you see earth from outer space, when earth is just a tiny dot, there is this unspeakable feeling, like when you look but you do not see, and behold, now you see...

19th July 2008 is just the day for me to actually "see". i was riding along together with about 400 riders, and each of them has a bike bigger and faster than my Honda 250cc. in other words, i was the smallest and the slowest. =.=" if only you can imagine the sight. luckily, the members of the association MRASA took a lot of photos along the way. you can check it out at the website that i provided earlier. here is a clip that i downloaded form the site as well, just wanna upload it here for convenience purposes, and for my private collection, hehe.

(these are only part of the bikes. we were on our way to meet another group of bikers on the mountains. i'm hidden among the last group of riders...the one with the yellow tank...)

i will save the purpose of the ride for you to read from the ride report that you can get from the link. i just want to share the experience here. i don't think you can get any tiny bit of that experience from any country from Asia. listening to the roaring, thundering sound from the machines of about 400 bikes, it is an orgasm for every biker, no doubt. i wonder how it will be like during MotoGP races...my friend's been to MotoGP at Melbourne, and what he described to me was exactly like a biker's heaven. you can see an ocean of bikes, far-stretched until they connect with the sky, creating a bike-sky horizon. everyone is like family. and it is as if everyone speaks the same language. you say hi with a blow from your engine, and people greet you back the same way. hell, this is better than speaking English, haha. and my friend told me that there will be people doing wheelies everywhere. i'd be guessing that there are more than wheelies to see around there. gosh, going to the States to watch NBA used to my dream. but sorry, i can't grow taller anymore to join NBA but i can still save enough money to get myself a really nice bike to ride on. so, MotoGP comes before NBA from now on.

anyone who is interested to join me to Melbourne for bike pilgrimage is more than welcomed to do so. but it would be within a year or two, due to financial matters. but nonetheless, it will happen, hopefully, within 5 years time. so, meanwhile, keep the words spreading...

the sad side...悲哀的一面...

2008-06-24T18:28:00.003+09:30

放弃，
只因为爱的太深；

爱太深，
才对自己没把握；

要用放弃做赌注；

输了，
只因对方不够爱你... ...
(copyrighted from somewhere...)

因此，

放弃，并不是每次都爱的不够深；

对自己没有把握，并不是每次都对自己没有信心... ...

我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你......

取自<<周杰伦－安静>>

Awake

2008-05-29T23:03:00.002+09:30

i never thought that Jessica Alba would take on such a role... i would like to share more about the movie, but i don't want to be a spoiler this time and hope that whoever that is reading this will give it a try. something personal from me, just expect something that you don't usually expect from Jessica Alba.

the best part of the movie is when everything turned dark for the main character, her mum was there to lit a cigarette, to gave him the only light in the pitch black darkness. it is very true, at least for me. cause when everything around me turns dark (which it seldom happens), when i can see nothing and lost my sense of direction, i can always count on my mum to give me the only light in the dark.

the light might not be strong, it flickers, and sometimes, it is even too dim to see anything, but still, it never leaves me. that's the beauty of it. sometimes, i mean, most of the times, she doesn't agree with what i do, with the decisions that i make, but still, the light shines before the path that i choose. i'm not sure if this happens to other people, but i thank God that i'm well aware of the light that has accompanied me through this world of darkness since the day i was born. i would never have made it here without the weak, dim and yet reliable light. one day, i will outshine this light, so that it can have a rest and let me shine through all the rest of her way......

another touching story...

2008-05-04T21:31:00.007+09:30

曾经，

是否有一朵这样的红玫瑰在你心中绽放。

曾经，

是否有一个美丽的名字成为你夜夜梦中的呓语。

曾经，

是否有一份深深的爱让你大喊：“为了你，抛弃天下又何妨？”

也是曾经，

愚蠢的丘比特、糊涂的月老只将心动给了其中的一个。

也是曾经，

三个字：“我爱你！”换来的却是四个字：“我不爱你！”

也是曾经，

承受爱一个人的痛苦却始终得不到被一个人爱的幸福。

…………

有这样一个故事（本故事纯属虚构，如有雷同，纯属巧合，请不要对号入座）：

男孩在见到女孩的第一面的时候就发觉自己爱上了她，这绝对不是一见钟情的爱。

单相思是很苦的，男孩很聪明，他决定告诉她，告诉她自己的想法。

男孩知道有可能得到的是拒绝，但是至少也许可以作为一段美丽爱情的开端……

认识的过程很平常，很普通，却很惬意，不过在深夜电话中聊天真的可以拉近心与心的距离吗？

爱情，很容易让人冲昏头脑，对，的确是这样的……

表白，意外的被接受了，是该高兴吗？

时间，带来了失败的开端。美丽的爱情宣言变成了愚人节的玩笑…………

直到男孩清醒之后，才发现了这残酷的事实……

接着来的，自然是厌烦与拒绝，伤心与痛苦……

“这就是所谓的没有缘分！”

女孩这样说。

“爱一个人不需要任何理由，同样，不爱一个人也是……”

女孩还这样说。

“我只知道我会永远永远的这样爱你，永远永远的为你守侯……”

男孩这样回答。

故事没有结束……

男孩这样说也这样做，只希望能够用自己的付出去打动一颗不属于自己的心。

还有什么叫痴情吗？

女孩的每个举动、每个变化都会牵动男孩的心。

还有什么叫迷恋吗？

梦中的呓语、酒醉的低吟，都离不开女孩的名字。

还有什么叫疯狂吗？

感动！

男孩得到了女孩的感动！

还有歉疚！

男孩永远无法得到女孩的爱。

丘比特的恶作剧？月老的童心？

制造了两个人这样的关系。

男孩完全不计较回报的付出、不计较目的的爱永远都只能得到感动和歉疚。

“如果你给我一个机会，你会知道我对你的爱有多深。”

“好，我可以做你女朋友，但我却不能做到爱你。”

“如果你能爱我，我可以用我的一切去换。”

“你知道这是……不可能的……”

女孩哭了，男孩想哭，却忍住了，他知道了自己该做什么。

让自己心爱的人伤心，比让自己伤心要更痛苦十倍。

爱一个人，无论用什么方法都要让她幸福，让她快乐。

第二天，男孩变了……

没有了以往的痴情，没有了以往的眷念，也没有了以往的疯狂。

男孩以后再也没有去找过女孩，甚至再也没有说过一句话……

仿佛这段故事就随着太阳的升起而结束……

…………

故事还是没有结束……

有人说，时间能冲淡一切，但也有人说，时间能证明一切。

三年后，

当男孩和女孩即将结束学业，各奔前程的时候，

当男孩和女孩分离后也许再也不能相见的时候，

当女孩仿佛想到做点什么的时候，突然听到男孩进了医院的消息。

“为了救一个小孩，被汽车撞了，还没有度过危险期……”医生如是说。

女孩哀求着想要见他，医生不同意。

“那求你转告他让他一定要坚强地活下来，因为我……我发现我非常的爱他……”

医生在昏迷不醒的男孩耳边如实说了这句话。

医生仿佛看到男孩皱紧的眉头微微地松开了，嘴角泛起一丝笑意……

但是不幸，第二天早上，随着太阳的升起，一个灵魂同时离开了它的躯体开始飞升……

女孩又哭了，男孩没有哭，临死的时候，嘴角泛着微微的笑容。

在墓碑前，女孩仿佛听到男孩的声音：

“我希望能永远看到你快乐幸福的笑脸……”

此后，女孩一直快乐坚强地生活，再也没有伤心过。

也许在别人看来，故事的结局未免不太完美，并不圆满，

但是不正如男孩所希望的，女孩得到了幸福与快乐。

也许曾经你的生命中也深爱着这样一个人，

由于种种原因，你们却永远无法在一起，

你怎么面对的呢？

不过，请记住：

爱一个人，

无论用什么方法都要让她幸福，让她快乐。

即使，要你选择放弃。

a friend of mine emailed me this story a long time ago, maybe a few years back, but i still keep it in my computer...

i like this story very much, especially because that it reflects the cruelty of this world, that actually, in reality, a lot of stories do not have happy endings as we would expect they would. that's down to earth, real life...

and to give up on the one you love takes courage, great courage indeed. every one has the courage to love, as deeply as they wish, as they hope, as they can, but in the end, do you have the courage to give it all up, for the sake of your love for her?

i hope i would have the courage to do so... i will try...

Friends

2008-05-04T17:00:00.003+09:30

"The choices you make about the people you invite into your life are the most important choices you can make, and you need to make sure you're choosing these people based on the right reasons."

i heard many people say that it is always better to have more friends. 多一个朋友，就多一个出路。but is that true? i have wondered this for quite some time, and yet to come up with a conclusion, until today, when i come across the sentence above from horoscope for Virgo on 4th May 2008.

first of all, i don't think that it's good to befriend whoever you can find. friends influence you. if you got the wrong types of friends, then you are playing with fire. some day, you might end up becoming like one of them or becoming into someone that you wouldn't wish to become. it might not be something bad, but you can just know that you are not your old self anymore. you have changed for the better or worse, only you, yourself can tell.

then, i think it's not appropriate to make friends for a reason, a specific one. just be friends for the sake of being friends, simple. argh, this is complicated. people tend to think in a much complicated manner when they grow older. some think that it's a sign of getting more mature, but complicating things always makes things tough to handle.

so, back to the topic, just choose your friends properly, and treasure them, if they deserve it. imagine a photo album, with your own photos only. surely, it's not as nice as and as colorful as a photo album with you+your friends' photo. no one can live without their friends...

Cheers to all my friends. I love you guys ^^

天灰

2008-05-03T00:46:00.005+09:30

如果你不再出现
我的世界还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间
让我们试验什么叫永远

想念变成怀念
心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切
你最后属于谁

我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

如果你从没出现
我会不会觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间
总要把诺言一点点摧毁

想念变成怀念
心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切
你最后属于谁

我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

these few days, it has been grey for me. personally, i don't really like grey, but there are times, when it fits just right in, just where it is needed to be. i like grey especially when people use it to describe the area between white and black, the area between right and wrong and the area between good and evil. it is like, this world, will not be as what it is now, without grey. as imperfect as it is, grey defines it just well enough.

i hope i will get through this feeling in a day or two. i hope the grey cloud will clear away, and let the blue sky return to me...

不爱

2008-05-02T20:25:00.002+09:30

快阻止时间倒转
当我们再次遇见
怎样的表情最适合隐瞒
我依然爱你很深

别再多看我一眼
别试探我真的感觉
我怕忍不住又回头眷恋
你连背影都温柔

不爱就转身离开
一个人把回忆推翻
不爱否定了未来
你恨我别心软我也不为难

不容许谁还牵绊
误解了别离的美
不可能重来这遗憾的爱
我们都诚实对待

不爱就这么离开
一个人被寂寞牵绊
不爱承受这悲哀
I LOVE YOU FOREVER 不能说出来

不爱就转身离开
一个人我学会忍耐
不爱承担这悲哀
I LOVE YOU FOREVER 我微笑离开
I LOVE YOU FOREVER 就这样不爱

All hail, David Tao, the legend...

我家有一只河东狮

2008-04-29T21:22:00.008+09:30

从现在开始你只许疼我一个人
你要宠我不能骗我
答应我的每一件事情都要做到
对我讲的每一句话都要真心
不许欺负我骂我要相信我
别人欺负我你要第一时间出来帮我
我开心你就要陪着我开心
我不开心你就要哄我开心
永远都要觉得我是最漂亮的
梦里面也要见到我
在你的心里面只有我... ...

**一个人背两个人的债**

别像个小孩
带着一脸的无奈
找不到依赖
事到如今
我要离开
好好站起来

不要再责怪
为什么从前不坦白
让你身边爱你的人受伤害
你是我一生的最坏
也是我一生的最爱
不能再照顾你的未来
我也要做的明明白白
一个人背两人的债
受多少苦我也能挨
为你跳进忘情苦海
死去再活来

何必太悲哀
多少爱可以重来
上天的安排
事到如今
怎样去改
不要再期待
对自己坦白
对身边的人都关怀
不要再让爱你的人受伤害

你是我一生的最坏
也是我一生的最爱
不能再照顾你的未来
我也要做的痛痛快快
一个人背两人的债
受多少苦我也能挨
为你跳进忘情苦海
死去再活来

i never think that Cecelia Cheung can sing, but this song, which is sung by her, is... somehow nice. i have no idea why it is like this. anyway, it is a very nice song... makes me emotional...

彩虹

2008-04-22T19:06:00.009+09:30

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白
看不见你的笑
要我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕
没有理由我也能自己走掉
是我说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

i just realized that there are so many Jay Chou songs that are not within my collection...it's a shame...i will try harder to collect every one of them. this is another one which i think that i, you, we should not miss out, hehe. good one, really ^^

深蓝色情书(夏天的味道)

2008-04-22T18:46:00.002+09:30

聪聪你睇下戈度粒星星
戈粒咧最细戈粒咧
我听人讲天上面有粒好细好细嘅星咧
上面净系住住一个小王子
佢每日就净系照顾佢最爱嘅一朵花

风吹过我的双脚
怀念夏天的味道
你的微笑我舍不得一口吃掉

秋天树叶不停掉
我的难过有谁知道
身边少了你我真的觉得无聊

风窜进了我的衣角
把寂寞装进我背包
怀念你的香水味道
想念让我更加烦恼

我想你知道夏天的味道
刻在我心里永远抹不掉
就请你给我最后的讯号
我会安静地走掉不打扰
昨天的拥抱今天很需要
你给我的好戒也戒不掉
哭湿枕头套夜晚的煎熬
你的城堡我住在地牢

风窜进了我的衣角
把寂寞装进我背包
怀念你的香水味道
想念让我更加烦恼

我想你知道夏天的味道
刻在我心里永远抹不掉
就请你给我最后的讯号
我会安静地走掉不打扰
昨天的拥抱今天很需要
你给我的好戒也戒不掉
哭湿枕头套夜晚的煎熬
你的城堡我住在地牢

不需要不需要阿~~~~
那天风吹开了你得头发我看见了你的眼睛
你一直拥抱就是那么得挤
寂不寂寞经过的那场景
oh baby...我的那件红色外衣还剩下你得口红痕迹
我怎挨瘾你注意
夏天的记忆已经不能抹去
你的味道连接空气
我的物质已经被你占据
亲爱的你到底抽多少时间还会徘徊那里
不知道夏天的味道还会找你

this song is not originally sung by Jay Chou. it's sung by Leon Lai instead. now, that's a surprise. i guess the original version must have not sounded very nice, haha. anyway, it is a nice song. don't miss it....

加世界

2008-04-22T18:20:00.003+09:30

走上航班的時候沒有看見你哭
看你默默的就站在那裡
我想看不到的眼淚
早已淹沒在心理
我的行李帶走你的一切

我坐在座位手裡握著你的項鍊
窗外的陰雲覆蓋了夕陽
我想哪天雨會天晴
你的彩虹會重現
不知道那一天會是哪一天

我自私走在老天安排的不歸路
任我再反覆尋找你的一片一頁
也都無法完成
時間慢慢把那些點滴往事埋葬
你的手放不開我的心也走不開
你的愛我已經找不到

我坐在座位手裡握著你的項鍊
窗外的陰雲覆蓋了夕陽
我想哪天雨會天晴
你的彩虹會重現
不知道那一天會是哪一天

我自私走在老天安排的不歸路
任我再反覆尋找你的一片一頁
也都無法完成
時間慢慢把那些點滴往事埋葬
你的手放不開我的心也走不開
你的愛我已經找不到

i don't think that Jay Chou is very good looking. i mean, he got a normal face. and personally, i don't think his voice is very unique. he has a good voice, that i agree, but not to an extend that would match the amount of his fans right now. but together with his songs, it wholes a perfect recipe. i am a guy, i think i need to clarify this first, a NORMAL, ORDINARY guy. but, i definitely love a lot of his songs. ah, i just can't live without his songs. too bad i don't have a collection of all his songs. maybe one day, i can make this little dream of mine come true. here is another fine piece of art from him...

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

2008-04-18T23:49:00.004+09:30

i think human being is really complicated (not only women), in a fascinating way; but stupid and stubborn at times too. if one believes in heaven and hell, i'm sure that one can't imagine how nice heaven is if you show one him heaven only. however, if you show him what hell looks like, i'm sure that the heaven in his mind will be a better place than before...

the point i'm making here is, people take things for granted very easily. some might realize it when others try to warn them what will happen to them if they continue their take-things-for-granted attitude. but for others, which i think the majority of us are, we usually do not heed the warning, ignored it, and regret at the end of the day...

some wise people said, you do not learn a thing unless you experience it yourself, and you do not learn a thing unless you do it yourself. but for some cases, there are no turning back, and there are no second chances... this is the feeling which i got from this movie, although it should be a horror movie...

lastly, another thing that i heard from somewhere - "i would rather die believing in God and find that there is no God in the end, than die not believing in God and find that there is a God indeed..."

Best Movies Forever...

2008-04-17T04:42:00.003+09:30

i have really wanted to make a record of the movies which i would watch them over and over and over again, until i can never watch a movie again...

first of all, if Optimus Prime sounds familiar to you, then you brain is supposed to flash up an image right away, of a blue and red gigantic, talking robot which is transformed from a truck. yeah, you know what i'm talking about. i'm talking about TRANSFORMERS! oh yeah! it's kind of childish actually, but it relives my childhood. when i hear the tyres screech, my soul burns. my body would tell me to go and get a smell of the burning tyres. i think it will be a thousand times better than sucking off a cigar from my mouth. and the police car from the movie just sends a chill down my spine, which Need For Speed has never been able to do. well, at least not yet so far. gosh, this movie will send me running around like a mad man, pulling out every single bit of my hair(from my head only). and actually, seriously honestly, i sleep better whenever i watch this movie before i sleep. Autobots, let's roll out!!!

relive the love of your life time....

2008-04-04T01:09:00.009+10:30

i am reading a book, titled "The Love of Your Life". there are a lot of nice quotes from the book, but i'm not keen enough to quote it here. anywhere, it reminds me of this song 有多少爱可以重来. i can't translate the title, sorry. it's a slow, sentimental song...

常常责怪自己
当初不应该
常常后悔没有把你留下来
为什么明明相爱
到最后还是要分开
是否我们总是
徘徊在心门之外

谁知道又和你相遇在人海
命运如此安排
总叫人无奈
这些年过得不好不坏
只是好像少了一个人存在
而我渐渐明白
你仍然是我不变的关怀

有多少爱可以重来
有多少人愿意等待
当懂得珍惜以后回来
却不知那份爱
会不会还在
有多少爱可以重来
有多少人值得等待
当爱情已经桑田沧海
是否还有勇气去爱

i heard this song from the movie, "Happy Birthday", starred by Rene Liu and Louis Koo. not bad...if Rene Liu is in the movie, then it can't be that bad, haha...

to persist or to let go...

2008-04-03T23:16:00.007+10:30

i never listened to Leon Lai's songs. i never had a good impression of him either, until i watched "Moonlight in Tokyo". it was a funny movie, haha.

anyway, i got this song of his in my winamp playlist, and i accidentally came across it. it's called 我是不是该安静的走开(should i leave quietly, roughly). it was sung by Aaron Kwok also, and i don't know whose song it is. anyway, it's not very bad...

我不知道为什么这样
爱情不是我想象
就是找不到往你的方向
更别说怎么遗忘
站在雨里泪水在眼底
不知该往那里去
心中千万遍不停呼唤你
不停疯狂找寻你
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该勇敢留下来
我也不知道那么多无奈
可不可以都重来
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该在这里等待
等你明白我给你的爱
永远都不能走开

站在雨里泪水在眼底
不知该往那里去
心中千万遍不停呼唤你
不停疯狂找寻你
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该勇敢留下来
我也不知道那么多无奈
可不可以都重来
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该在这里等待
等你明白我给你的爱
永远都不能走开
等你明白我给你的爱
永远都不能走开

which would you choose?

2008-03-23T02:15:00.004+10:30

if you have the chance to choose...

will you choose to live with the one you love in hardship and poverty?

or will you choose to live with someone, who loves you, in great wealth and fortune?

it is late night here, with cold weather...about 15 degrees. i just watched a Chinese romance movie. it was sad...

the main character, A went to work with an old man C, to revenge for his friend, B who used to work with C. C hired some mercenaries to get B killed. without knowing the reason for B to be killed, he vowed to take revenge on C. C had two wives, an old one and a younger one, like most of the wealthy old guys back then used to do. on the eve of Chinese New Year, A wanted to kill C, but came to know that C got B killed because B slept with his mistress, M. B and M were in love, as she had no feelings for C. A was in total shock and didn't know what to do. now, here's the serious part. M told A that he was a good guy, like B. both of them treated her well (although C threated her well, but there was no love...not even anywhere close). yes, she had slept with B, she admitted it. and if A would not mind her past, she will follow A wherever he would go, no matter how bad the situation would become. A kept silent. he did fell in love with M, but he still could not accept the fact that his friend, B, slept with his Master's wife and he fell in love with the same gal. and now, she was offering herself to him. only if he would forget about her past, she would love him for all her life and follow him to eternity. as the silence continued, suddenly, M said,
"you're keeping silent. then, it should mean that you are still very concerned of my past...". she took up a sword, and killed herself right in front of A... everything happened too fast. A never spoke a word, knelt down, and killed himself also. i guess he could never have sorted out his thoughts...

what would you do if you were him? you have always believed in your best friend, only to find that he slept with his Master's mistress. then, you found out again, that they were really in love. should you blame him or the Master? you are even more shocked to find the gal that your friend loved is the gal that you are falling in love right now, and she likes you too. she wants to run away with you in condition that you don't mind her past deeds. what would you do? do you think the gal is really in love with you? you used to think so before you knew she was your friend's lover... i really look up to the script writer of this movie...that he can think of such a scenario... i watched the movie from somewhere in the middle. hopefully, i can get the chance to watch the entire movie...

value of Love...

2008-03-17T22:42:00.003+10:30

i was taught that you can never get the exact value of something unless you have actually sold the thing.

so, does that mean that we can only know which is our true love after we have lost it? it sounds ironic to me... if i get the logic right...

should I...or should I not...

2008-03-13T02:38:00.004+10:30

i just don't understand... why is it so hard to make a decision??? yeah, some decisions are tough to make, but are they so tough as the need to make a fuss about it to everyone around you?

first of all, how old are you? is this the way you should be handling your own problems?

argh, i'll just get to the point. lack of patience nowadays.

"Do unto people of what you would do to yourself." it's just as simple as that. actually, it's something similar from a quote from the bible. i don't remember where it is exactly, and so, this is just a brief idea of it.

eg. should i make a decision without considering the feelings of the people around me? ok, the question goes like this: do you like the people around you to make decisions without considering your feelings? example again, do you think it's ok for your parents to divorce without considering your feelings? do you think it's ok for your best friends to go to a Hollywood Blockbuster Hit Movie without you? do you think it's ok for your professor to postpone the exam date after you have prepared day and night just because he wants to go for a surprise vacation with his wife? do you even think it's ok for someone to spit in front of you, just to clear their throat?

i hope you get the point. for me, there is no definite answer for this kind of question: should I or should I not. it depends on yourself. if you're ok with it, then vice versa, people will agree to your decision as well. so, usually, psychologically, if a person asks this sort of question, he/she might probably has the answer already, but the little devil inside just confuses up the mind. follow your intuition, follow your instinct, follow your conscience...you're not as bad as you think you are...

Endless Story - Yuna Ito

2008-03-03T01:45:00.001+10:30

ENDLESS STORY (English)

Lyrics: D.A.Thomas & ats Translation: Jonathan Wu

If you haven’t changed your mind
Then I want you by my side Tonight

I’m so tired of always having to bluff
Every time I think about you baby, I feel so young
If I could just tell you I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I wanna show you, forever and ever

Memories of our time together
this way, they don’t go away

Once I knew that the warmth between us had disappeared,
gentle tears started to spread over my chest
This is not where it ends, I’m missing you
please don’t let go of my hand

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I wanna show you, forever and ever

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

Deep Impact...

2008-02-28T22:19:00.003+10:30

It's about a Korean lady...She is the first person that I came to know when I arrived here, in Adelaide. She was the owner of the hostel in which I used to live. She is very kind and nice, and you can see a smile on her face almost every time you see her. She just has the "peaceful" aura around her all the time...It's not just peaceful, to be precise. As a matter of fact, she is the kind of person who's always there, ready to help you. Every time she sees me, even now, she'll definitely ask me how I am doing, and whether I need her help or not. Well, it's because she knows that I'm new to Adelaide and I think she feels that she has the responsibility to take care of me. When I was at the hostel, I felt so taken-care of. She took care of everything and all I needed to do was to clean my laundries, cook my own food, and study hard, that's all. I just want to make my point that, she's a very kind and well-intended person, who's trying to make a good day for everyone.

But then, bad happenings are just around the corner...

To be continued...

Just about two weeks of living in the hostel, she told me that we might have to move out from the hostel if she would lose the lawsuit. Since she's a Korean, there is a gap in our conversation. She could not describe it in detail, but I got her meaning. There was something wrong with the contract between the previous owner of the hostel and her. Then, the hostel was to be shut down if she cannot afford another sum of money, which she did not expect to pay. To cut the long story short, and skipping all the things that happened in the second month, we had to move out eventually. She had no luck.

From the first day that she told us (students living in the hostel) we had to move out, she lost her natural smile. Since then, I noticed that she began to stare in the air, thinking of things only known to herself. Then, most of the times when she talked to us, her eyes and nose would turn red, and tears filled her eyes. She did not cry, but wept. She never let a single tear roll down her cheeks. She would wipe them with her hands before they came off. I sensed that she was really trying very, very hard to withstand the pressure. The pressure was leaving her no way out, but she still persisted to push on, not knowing if she can hang on or not. She gave me the feeling that she doesn't care if she can make it out alive. She just want to push herself to go on, and find something out of the odds that are all against her. It really sunk my heart to see her doing it all by herself.

Normally, we would have our family to support us in these times. But I don't see her husband anywhere, and I never dared to ask her about it. She has two sons, but I don't think they are doing anything about it either. When she wept in front of us, her sons were just as helpless as we were. Pardon us(non-Koreans) for the language barrier, but they should have done more than us in the first place. They are her sons!!! Anyway, she loves them very much, and I should say no more bad things about them.

Luckily, I found a place to move out, and I moved out fairly early, few weeks before the due. When the day came for her to move out, none of the students from the hostel came to help her move, as they had all moved out earlier. I'm proud to say that I went to help her ^^ out of 30 to 40 people, only 1 came to help, and she was so nice to all of us. That is no one's fault, but it would really mean a lot to her if some more came back to help her. There were so many things to move. Fortunately, she owns a house just beside the hostel. So, it was really near. However, there were so many things to move. She had some of her Korean friends to come over to help her, just few, just enough.

When it was nearly finished, she just sat on floor, and took her shoes off. She said that she had no more energy. She had been standing and walking around from morning to nearly night, non-stop. And her feet hurt a lot by then. Her eyes became red again. It could have looked like a bit childish, taking your shoes off, sitting on the floor complaining that your feet hurts, but she was not joking. She really looked tired and exhausted. It looked worse with her skinny body, as if she would break down. Ah, the sourness struck my heart again. I really did not know what to do. I could have help to massage her feet, obviously, but, I would not do it. Maybe because I was still not close enough to her. Unlike my cousin who is with 2 children, still wants to force me to massage her feet. She practically just ordered me to massage her feet =.="

Anyway, for nearly a month, I saw her wept silently but couldn't do anything about it. I'm glad that finally, everything is over. Hope that she will have a better life ahead...